The Old Codger on Pop Music
By The Old Codger | April 17, 2017, 14:42 EDT
Well, I may be just an old codger, but let me tell you: I know a thing or two about a few things, and here’s what I think about today’s pop “music”:
Back in my day, we used to have real singers and real music, but today a bunch of no talents who couldn’t carry a tune with a baseball glove and a stick of glue are putting up their videos on the YouTube and getting likes like no tomorrow.
YouTube! It should be EweTube — you know, a ewe, a female sheep, because up goes the video and baa! baa! baa! all these silly people are following it like sheep!
You might think I’m not hip and on the ball and “with it” as you youngsters like to “rap”, but I saw the old Radio Shack was going out of business, so I bought me one of them there fancy computers with one of them there mouse pads, and I looked on the Youtube at some of these pop “singers.”
Let me just tell you about a few them.
Rihanna: She sings “work, work, work.” I say: Get a job, hippie!
Ed Sheeran: Well, he has this one song about boxing and sumo wrestling and the shape of you. If Rocky Balboa could sing, he’d sing better than this guy! Ed Sheeran has red hair. He should have a red face for putting out this video!
Taylor Swift: Her song “Shake It Off” is some kind of mutant rapping, cheerleading, ballet medley. Swift! Ha! She couldn’t finish singing too swiftly for me!
Katy Perry: She kissed a girl and she liked it. Well, I heard this girl sing and I didn’t like it!
Bruno Mars: He sounds better on Mars! You know why? Because there’s no atmosphere there so you can’t hear his singing!
Drake: Isn’t that the name of a cupcake company? Well, let me tell you, Mr. Drake: I wish you were eating a Drake’s cupcake: then you wouldn’t be able to sing!
Beyonce: If you liked it, should have put a ring on it. Well, if we don’t like it, can we put a gag on — her mouth?
Justin Bieber: You know what comes from Canada I like? Maple syrup! And you know what comes from Canada I don’t like? Justin Bieber!
Well, I could go on and on, but it’s eight o’clock: time for me to have some warm milk and go to bed!
In closing, let me just say: Bring back Engelbert Humperdinck!
Now that was a real singer!
And get off my lawn!
The Old Codger has spent most of his life on the South Shore.