The Old Codger on Mother’s Day

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You know what’s so great about Mother’s Day?
Well, me neither!
Mother’s Day!  Ha!
If you ask me, the whole thing’s a big racket!
And, let me tell you, when you get to be my age, it’s even more of a racket!
First, I have a mother (105 years old and spry as a fiddle), then I have a wife who’s a mother, and now I have a daughter who’s a mother, and, you know what they have in common?
They all want something from The Old Sucker on Mother’s Day!
I thought mothering was supposed to be its own reward!  And, of course, they had me for a son / husband / father!
Isn’t that bonus enough?
Apparently not!
They yammer on about the sacrifices of motherhood, like years of making meals.  Well, there’s someone eating those meals as well.
You don’t think that’s a sacrifice?  Then you’ve obviously never tried Mrs. Old Codger’s cooking!
So what are they looking for from me?  
A lot!
They want me to call them up and talk to them.  Don’t they know how busy I am?  Doing what?, you ask.  Well, I have to write these columns and yell at the kids to stay off my lawn and write letters to the editor.  
It’s a good thing I’m retired, because complaining is a full time job!
But I call them up, all right, and I buy flowers — real ones, even though I said, “Why not get plastic ones, then you can just use the same ones from last year?” But they didn’t go for that.
And I buy chocolates, and sometimes they even eat all the good ones before offering one to me!
And I even made breakfast for my wife — toast, just the way she makes it for me:  burnt!  With butter and marmalade, and some nice coffee.
It was so good, I could eat it myself.  In fact, I did, but I left a little for my wife, and I hope she appreciated it.
So that’s Mother’s Day, but, you know, if we lived in a honest world, there’d be a day for fathers as well!
Mrs. Old Codger just told me that there actually is a day for fathers!  It’s called Father’s Day!
Well, what do you know?
That changes thing a bit, I suppose.
So I hope Mrs. Old Codger and the daughter will remember everything I did for them on their day, and give me back the same cheerful sunny treatment when Father’s Day rolls around!
It’s the least they can do!
The Old Codger has spent most of his life on the South Shore.  He is leading the fight against false praise.