The Old Codger on the Super Bowl

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The Super Bowl!  Ha!

You can forget all those other Fake Sports websites.  I’ll tell you everything you need to know about the Super Bowl!

First of all, I think we could all feel the unexpected disappointment and the feeling we were robbed.  I don’t think I have to tell you why, but I will anyway:  instead of having the musical act we clearly deserved, who was of course Engelbert Humperdinck, we had Justin Timberwolf, or whatever his name was!  Ha!  I’ll talk more about him later!

Then there was the game!  The first thing I noticed about it was it was too late!  Starting at 6:30 p.m.!  That’s when civilized people are getting ready to go to bed!

At least I was able to sleep through a lot of it!

Mrs. Old Codger had a good comment at one point.  Do you know what she said?  Well, neither do I, because I was sleeping!

So I suppose I might have been dreaming at some points, or maybe remembering some other games I might have seen before, but I’d say the highlight of the game was the trick play when Tom Brady handed the ball to Johnny Unitas, who passed to Red Grange, and then the Gipper came on the field and got the ball from Doug Flutie and scored with a drop goal.

One thing I’ve noticed about football is all the silly newfangled rules, like the Designated Hitter.  Back in my day, we didn’t need a designated hitter, because everyone was supposed to hit!

Wait, now that I think about it, the designated hitter might be baseball, but, never mind!  There’s still a lot of foolish changes in football, like no longer wearing leather helmets.  And they probably don’t even train with the medicine ball anymore!

Anyway, I heard that after the game, Gronk was thinking of retiring.  Well, Mr. Gronk, if there’s one thing I know about, it’s retirement.  And let me tell you:  it’s a full-time job!

If you do retire, I’d be happy to show you the ropes.  We could use you on our shuffleboard team.  As an ex-NFL player, you’d probably be pretty good.  In fact, you’d probably be the second best player on the team, after myself.

And there’s plenty of seats in the local senior citizens club.  Just don’t take the red leather one.  That one’s mine!  

Now that I think of it:  you’re rich!  You should buy your own chair!  And, while you’re at it, you can buy new ones for the rest of us too!

Now, back to this Justin Timberpond and his “music.”

I know someone who could do everything he did, only better.  You know who that is?  Me!

First of all there was his screeching caterwauling.  He called that singing.  I could make all the same sounds, only I’d call it:  dropping a hammer on my toe!

Then there was all the strange moving around he was doing.  He called it dancing.  I could do the same thing, only I’d call it:  arthritis!

Well, my warm milk is ready.  Almost time to hit the hay, so let me just summarize:

The Super Bowl is exactly the same as it used to be, except everything is worse!