Just Don’t Call Her Kathy

Printed from: https://newbostonpost.com/2018/10/30/just-dont-call-her-kathy/

She is Katherine, Hear Her Roar ….

Has anyone reading this column ever actually met and spoken with U.S Representative Katherine Clark?

I didn’t think so, since her preferred home is Washington D.C., where she can hobnob with her role models Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters, while focusing on her main passion in life — impeaching President Donald Trump. 

On those rare occasions when there’s an actual sighting of Lady Katherine in the Massachusetts Fifth Congressional District it’s usually for some photo-op with her large liberal donors.

Yet it might surprise you to know that she does list a voting address somewhere in Melrose. That doesn’t mean she actually spends much time there, but since she’s the member of Congress from this district she needs to set up her tent somewhere local to make it all legal and official.

Ed Markey did much the same. Sill does in fact. Everyone knows his main pad is his rich wife’s mansion in suburban Maryland, and that he’s really only used his family’s Malden house for his district address. But say what you will about Eddie, he may not really live here but at least we know he’s from here. 

He grew up in Malden, went to Malden Catholic, and even drove a Mr. Softy Ice Cream truck around Malden and Medford, probably the last honest job he’s had. One sentence from his mouth with the Boston R that sounds like an H and you know Eddie is from these parts. He may be an insufferable whining liberal in the Ted Kennedy mold, but at least he’s our insufferable whining liberal. 

And where, pray tell, is Kathy Clark from? 

It’s really hard to figure out from her accent. She’s moved around a lot for much of her adult life — New York, Colorado, with Connecticut being the closest she got to the Bay State until she showed up in the district just as she was pushing 40. Yet there’s no New York drawl there, and she hardly sounds like Rocky Mountain High John Denver.

It’s a wonder when she first popped into D.C. if her unwitting congressional colleagues were surprised she’s a Boston-area congresswoman, given her very non-Boston accent. It’s a safe bet that half the people in this district ponder the same.

Lucky for the transplant Kathy that GPS came about the same time she started getting elected to the latest vacant job up the political food chain. For every special election, from the Melrose School Committee to Congress, there was Kathy, always waiting in the wings to jump in and claim the next prize.

Yet Karpetbagger Kathy can’t be expected to know local folklore the way Mr. Softy Eddie Markey can. And how can we fault Kathy-from-who-knows-where for thinking that Rex Trailer was a trailer park, or Major Mudd an ice cream, or Dialing-for-Dollars a homeless charity, or Jordan Marsh some entertainer from the Catskills?

No doubt, Kathy is puzzled by all the fuss about someone named Filene and their basement.

It’s hard enough for her to know the difference between Bobby Orr and John Havlicek, let alone Bill Russell and Jim Rice. And having hailed from Colorado and New York, which team does she root for anyway, the Rockies or the Yankees?

Just because she thinks the Minutemen were a ‘50s band doesn’t mean her driver can’t find Walden Pond with the GPS. 

Kathy touts herself as a progressive. What that means is whatever Nancy Pelosi tells her it means at any given time. Constantly striving to exceed Boss Nancy’s expectations, Kathy was just one of a handful in Congress who boycotted President Trump’s inauguration. She’s especially put off by the president, whom she touts as “bigoted, misogynist, racist, and anti-Semitic.” 

Ever the devout liberal, Kathy is so far to the left she makes Elizabeth Warren look like Sarah Palin. Which is why she’s the perennial darling of the Cambridge wine and cheese set.

Always on the lookout for her next political gig, Kathy can hardly wait for Lizzy or Mr. Softy to vacate the U.S. Senate so she can move up the ladder and sink her uber-feminist claws into the next unsuspecting conservative nominee for the Supreme Court.

In the meantime, should you ever visit the House gallery and wonder how to find the elusive Bay State Congresswoman, just look for the one holding Boss Nancy’s umbrella and briefcase.

But if you approach her, be careful, it’s not Mrs. Clark, it’s Ms. Clark. And don’t dare address her as just plain ma’am, because that’s just plain sexist, don’t you know?

I learned a do-and-don’t the hard way once when I called her office and referred to her by the classic shortened form of her first name. Not allowed, came the quick retort.

If you’re a favored progressive donor consider yourself to be among the privileged few to address her by the more proper and formal Katherine.

Just don’t call her Kathy!


Tom Mountain is a Member of the Massachusetts Republican State Committee