During the current COVID-19 pandemic I have been criticized for my recent attempts to keep you ungrateful lot safe. This is unfortunate.
Sometimes there are decisions that must be made despite the inconveniences to people, commerce, and privileges.
My administration has therefore decided to release an updated list of items and practices to be classified as non-essential to secure the safety of all.
My administration expects immediate compliance. If all of us aren’t safe, then none of us are safe.
Regards,
Governor Gretchen Whitmer
Lansing, Michigan
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Updated List of Non-Essential Items
Recalls
Recounts
Campaign Finance Laws
Term Limits
Memes That Reflect Poorly on Governors
YouTube Videos That Reflect Poorly on Governors
Caricatures
Impersonations
Unflattering Photos
Parodies
Criticism
Unapproved History Books
High School Debates
Families With Too Many Children
Homeschooling
American Flags
Michigan Flags (except those used by the government)
Lake Houses
Guns
Boats
Fish
Drinking
Smoking
Candy
Gender Reveal Parties
Pronouns
The View
Honking Your Horn Around the State Capitol
Driving Your Car Around the State Capitol
The First Amendment
The Second Amendment
For Any House Larger Than Mine … The Third Amendment
Not Sure What It Is, But The Fourth Amendment
Screw This … All the Other Amendments
Statues of Anyone Not Named Gretchen
Anyone Else Showing Interest In Being Joe Biden’s VP
