The BLOG: Lifestyle

Dear Cher:  Your House Is My House

Dear Cher,

I was so impressed by your offer to take illegal aliens into your home that I had to write right away — and since I don’t (yet) have your private email address, I thought I’d post this letter on this news thingy. But consider this a private communication just between you and me. (After all, as I’m sure you’ll agree, what is privacy, anyway?)

When I read your tweet, I thought you must be talking directly to me:  “Those Who Can Must Take a DREAMER In2 Their Home & Protect Them. I’m Ready 2 To Do This …”

You had me at “Must.”

I believe I qualify because I am a DREAMER. I dream BIG. My dreams need lots of SPACE.

That Holmby Hills house you and Sonny bought from Tony Curtis — the one with 54 rooms and 30,000 square feet — seems about right. I mean, nothing in this world can hold all of my dreams, but we all have to start somewhere, right? If I could turn back time, I’d live in your house. So I’m going to.

Like you, I am feeling rattled by yucky Trump. When he announced he was ending the DACA program, I started looking for a dacha. Yours just fell into my lap.

Here’s a little about me. I consider my immigration status unsettled. There are some government documents and hazy recollections of various relatives concerning my birth, but who knows for sure? Seems to me it’s at least theoretically possible that I wasn’t born here, that my parents weren’t born here, and that my parents came to this country illegally after I was born and brought me here with them. Whether they did or not I can’t say for sure and it’s immaterial, anyway — I identify as a DREAMER, so I am one.

And to be sure, Trump’s Nazis could show up any minute and try to deport an allegedly native-born U.S. citizen, as you rightly suggested we do with President Trump.

But first we have to stop Trump and resist all his mumbo jumbo about the law and the constitution.

What I find most encouraging about the recent DACA protests is the tone. There’s no sense that anyone’s asking for anything. Instead, the people who scream and chant and wave signs are demanding to be treated just like the American citizens they (technically) aren’t. That’s the right way to go about it.

So I hope you’ll understand the tone of this letter. This is not a request to move into your home. It’s more like a notification. As you said, giving a DREAMER your home is a moral imperative. I am a DREAMER.  Ergo …

There’s just one detail I’d like to get squared away, just to make sure we understand each other.

After I move in, where are you going to live?


Matt McDonald is Publisher and Editor-in-Chief of New Boston Post.  Read other articles by him here.