The BLOG: Lifestyle

Mother-son duo of Vanderbilt-Cooper illustrates the value of reconnecting

(Harper Collins)

(Harper Collins)

Vanderbilt, the name synonymous with spectacular American saga, is once again the source of spectacle. A book, “The Rainbow Comes and Goes,” and its companion HBO documentary “Nothing Left Unsaid” serve as manor-sized windows, granting those interested a voyeuristic glimpse into the lives of Gloria Vanderbilt and her son, Anderson Cooper.

Having turned 92 in February, Gloria Vanderbilt’s lifestyle is today as grand as her inheritance. As a young child, the heiress was a pedigreed pawn in a custody match between her mother and paternal aunt. Our nation, weary of war stories, devoured the only child’s tragedies like mind candy.

Litigated into loneliness, the teenaged socialite married early and often. At 17, Gloria wed gangster Pat DiCicco, at 21 she married 63-year-old composer Leopold Stokowski, followed by another marriage at 31 to director Sidney Lumet until her forth marriage at 39 to author/screenwriter Wyatt Cooper. Between marriages she dated a who’s who of Hollywood’s glitterati: Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra, Howard Hughes and Gordon Parks to name a few.

Anderson Cooper, soon to turn 50, is known as a contributor to 60 Minutes, as well as anchor to his CNN program AC360. Having lost his brother Carter to suicide, he is the only surviving son of Gloria’s marriage to Wyatt Cooper. Wyatt tragically passed away in 1978 while undergoing heart surgery.

Educated at the Dalton School in New York City, which holds the motto “Go Forth Unafraid,” Anderson continued his studies at Yale. After two summers as a college intern at the CIA, Cooper focused his curiosities on a career in journalism, seeking out assignments in war-torn regions of the world.

The catalyst for exploration through the autobiographical bookends by this mother-son team was an upper-respiratory infection of Vanderbilt’s around her 91 birthday. Anderson, having lost his dad and his brother too soon, feared reaching the eventuality of his mother’s passing in a state of unfinished-ness. Reaching out to his mother, Cooper engaged the ethereal icon in a year-long dialogue of reflection through emails. Those heartfelt, highly emotional exchanges precipitated the psychologically dense book and visually stunning documentary.

Together the mixed mediums portray a virtual collage of life as mother and son co-exist living in an Americanized Greek tragedy. Speaking with the candor of adults, unburdened by real-time face-to-face exchanges, the two open and update the files of their past. Exploring the meaning of loss, Gloria and her companion/son Anderson poignantly reflect on the manifold dynamics of missing out on the comforts of emotional intimacy.


Gloria’s sexual candor is only eyebrow raising for its lack of decorum with her son. Although there is nothing new in human sexuality, her provocative details seem revelatory for her inability to recognize parental boundaries. As the perpetually mahogany-haired matron reviews her lovers, her chalk-haired son cringes then laughs. Pseudo-intimacy seems to suffice as the two continue to dialogue about work ethic, only to return again to their individual internal rage replete with poetic allusions of abandonment and fear.

Vanderbilt’s sophisticated visage is foil to her lifelong penchant of painting primitives in romanticized studies of isolation or idealized domestic bliss. In contrast, Cooper’s life work has frequently focused on bearing digital witness to horrific suffering imposed through war or natural disaster. Awareness of his preoccupation is part humanitarian and partly, as he says in the book, to externally portray his internal torments.

The currency these two share is a wish for satisfying parental fulfillment. Both mother and son have secretly longed to someday receive a loving letter sent by a deceased parent. Gloria’s mother’s emotional detachment left her incapable of any form of endearing conversation with her daughter, while Anderson’s father’s premature death and brother’s unexpected passing left him ravenous for meaningful familial attachment. Their cache of scars burdens Anderson in his need to plan for catastrophe while Gloria quotes Faulkner saying “The past isn’t dead. It isn’t even past.” For them, time has not healed all wounds. They seem destined to repeat the agonies of imposed childhood grief.

To their credit, they actively pursue engagement in the world around them. Both hard workers work to maintain relevant integrated lives rather than lives of wanton indulgence. The efforts involved in producing both the book and the documentary serve more than vanity; they prompt readers and viewers of the productions to invest in meaningful dialogue between parents, children, old lovers and old friends.

It’s true for all of us, rainbows do come and go, and there is merit to leaving nothing left unsaid. “The Rainbow Comes and Goes,” and “Nothing Left Unsaid” are reminders from members of the legendary American family who know Greek tragedy personally, to embrace joy when it fleetingly appears, and reach out to loved ones while one can.

Contact Diane Kilgore at [email protected].