Top Five Crayon Colors Crayola Should Have Tossed

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Crayola announced it’s getting rid of Dandelion from its box of 24 crayons.

This is an outrage, on so many levels.

First, Dandelion is a blending of hues, not some bold and arbitrary “pure” color. You might even call Dandelion a color “of color.”

Second, dandelions — which is where the color comes from — are longtime victims of oppression. Marginalized as a “weed,” treated with chemicals and pulled up by the roots by grass supremacists, the dandelion has also for decades been subject to the horrors of a sadistic children’s game, Mommy Had A Baby and Its Head Popped Off.

This de-flora-izing practice has made the dandelion the great Other of the back yard.

Long subject to a “back-of-the-box” mentality from the power colors, Dandelion should not be denied its place. It should be respected and valued — and if necessary, subsidized. Dandelion doesn’t deserve exclusion; it deserves an apology.

What’s more, there are at least five colors that corporate crayon-America should jettison instead of Dandelion:

5.  Yellow

Yellow is nothing more than Dandelion trying to pass as a “pure” color. You might even call it self-hating Dandelion. Until Yellow can stand up and demonstrate its raised consciousness and acknowledge the intersectionality of all colors, Yellow needs to be suppressed.

4.  Indigo

Indigo is the color of a plant that was grown on plantations in the South that used slaves. There’s no historical causal connection between the two — the plant and the color were first discovered about 3,400 years before slavery came to North America. But whatever.

3.  Carnation Pink

Carnation Pink is hiding something. Its very existence seems to be a silent disapproval of bolder colors, like Hot Pink. Until Carnation Pink can stop its color-shaming, it needs to have its platform of hate taken away.

2.  Bittersweet

Bittersweet is not in the Crayola box of 24; it’s in the box of 64. But it should be temporarily put back in the box of 24 just so it can be taken out again.

“Bittersweet” says it all. No color should have to apologize just for being what it is.

1.  Blue

True Blue. Thin Blue Line. U.S. Army dress uniform.

Claims not to be mixed with any other colors.

Elitist. Oppressive.

If blue were white, it would be the color of white supremacists.

If you agree that Crayola has made a horrible mistake and must be called to account for it, please pass this article along. Power to all the colors of the rainbow, not just the chosen few.


Matt McDonald is the Publisher and Editor-In-Chief of New Boston Post.